How and Why to Write a Special Occasion Poem

Two of my siblings have gotten married within the past 18 months. And it has somehow become a family wedding tradition for me to compose an original poem and read it aloud during the ceremony.

Before writing the first poem for my sister and her husband, I was not a fan of occasion poems and planned never to write any. They can often feel old-fashioned and a bit forced; sometimes they work so hard that they forget how to play. In fact, I wrote the first poem after scouring through several dozen wedding poems and feeling that none felt contemporary enough, none resonated with the warm and matter-of-fact energy my sister wanted for her wedding, and none captured the care and optimism so central to their relationship—the care and optimism which I wanted to celebrate. “I think I can do better,” I thought, and then jotted down some lines that eventually became “Praise”.

I have now come around to the delights of the occasion poem, and come to see occasions as real-life prompts. It’s been an honor to get to bring some word magic to my siblings’ weddings—and it’s been a fun and useful challenge for me as a poet.

Here’s what I’ve learned from (and love about) writing occasion poems:

1. You can accurately predict audience and context—and customize accordingly. My brother, now over 30, still drives his first car (the SUV my family took on family vacation when he was a toddler)—a fact that his friends and family love him for and tease him about. And his wife loves travel (even more than he does, if such a thing is possible). This combination led me to the “Marriage is a Road Trip” conceit, where I found room for a bit of humor, some nature imagery, memories of family road trips from my brother’s childhood, and a summer dusk to match the backdrop of their outdoor early September wedding.

2. You can remix tradition (instead of starting from scratch). For example, I chose to incorporate lots paired opposites (though I chose hail and sunshine rather than “in sickness and in health”) and just a bit of anaphoric repetition. I wanted the steady tenor of church ceremony, but with images that fit the road trip conceit and reflected the joys and challenges of the people at the wedding (my siblings and I have been known to joke that “Family Vacation” is our Mom’s religion).

3. An occasion poem is an assignment that comes with lots of useful pressure: a deadline by which the poem must be finished, an obligation to keep the poem brief, and an imperative to prioritize sound (over visual layout) for a pleasant-to-hear-aloud poem. When you are drafting for a ceremony, purpose is power.

4. Not being able to find a poem for the occasion is a sign that it’s time to try writing your own!